“Life.”

Earlier today, I was sitting across from my parents munching a burger. My Pentax sat on the table between us. My mother picked it up and started to play with it abstractly. 

“Did you know your father was once crazy about photography?” She asked me. She just dropped that. Like that. Random.

“What?!” I yelped, probably spraying my father with bits of chewed bread. Excited, surprised, pleased that my father shared this passion with me. “But how come I don’t know this? How come I never knew this? Howww?”

“Oh yes,” my father piped in, smiling dreamily (I’d like to think). “My hobby,” typically succinct. 

“He has several old cameras at home..” my mother continued; warming up to her topic.

“Really?! I want them! But.. what happened? Why is this past tense?”

My parents smiled at each other then my mother said: “Life.”

 

This saddened me. A lot. 

I don’t want life to happen to me. I don’t want life to rid me of my passions. I don’t want that kind of life.

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A Fading Thing.

An old love sent me the link to this song; this was after our love went away. I listened to it then; but only the way you would skim a broadcast an annoying friend sends. But I went back to his emails tonight; something about being all alone in a big house after watching ‘Paris, Je T’aime’ (And yes, our love story was strange enough to fit in there).. I re-listened, and read the lyrics. And although I’m somewhat optimistic about a future love, this song felt right. Especially because the first verse sounds like it was ripped out of my (imaginary) diary.

 

Phosphorescent – ‘Song for Zula’ (Lyrics):

Some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
Oh but I know love as a fading thing
Just as fickle as a feather in a stream
See, honey, I saw love,
You see it came to me
It puts its face up to my face so I could see
Yeah then I saw love disfigure me
Into something I am not recognizing

See the cage, it called. I said, come on in
I will not open myself up this way again
Nor lay my face to the soil, nor my teeth to the sand
I will not lay like this for days now upon end
You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand
To be acknowledged by some touch from his gnarled hands
You see the cage it called. I said, come on in
I will not open myself this way again.

You see the moon is bright in that treetop night
I see the shadows that we cast in the cold clean light
I might fear I go and my heart is white
And we race right out on the desert plains all night
So honey I am now, some broken thing
I do not lay in the dark waiting for day here
Now my heart is gold, my feet are right
And I’m racing out on the desert plains all night

So some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
All that I know love as a caging thing
Just a killer come to call from some awful dream
And all you folks, you come to see
You just to stand there in the glass looking at me
But my heart is wild, and my bones are steel
And I could kill you with my bare hands if I was free